#I ENJOYED THIS EPISODE A LOT MORE ON MY REWATCH
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Scanned and shaded sketchbook Annes from my season 1 rewatch :))
#amphibia#amphibia fanart#anne boonchuy#sasha waybright#my art#I think I enjoyed s1 a lot more upon rewatch now that I’m not trying to rush to the intense episodes#ok but listen.#au where everything is exactly the same but Anne is still wearing the suit for Reunion
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*picks you up and dips u in a vat of acid*
#south park#sp#pip pirrup#pip pirrip#damien thorn#dip#sp dip#dip is one of those sjips that i only enjoy if its outside of the canon . show if that makes sense#cuz otherwise like they were only in one episode 2gether and damien like. hated him#but *thinks about them anyways*#i mean as in. i only like it in rlly specific circumstances otheriwse id be indifferent toward it#these all mainly came about cuz im writing a damien and pip friendship fic thing#cuz id like to explore their dynamic actually (and also I WANT PIP TO BE HAPPY)#anyways i rewatched 'Damien' (the episode) so i could characterize him right and like honestly thats gotta be my fav episode in s1#its fuckin hilarious#also DAMIEN MADE A CAMEO IN A LATER EOISODE AS LIKE A LITTLE EASTER EGG. HE WAS ON SUPER NANNY. LIEK THE TV SHOW#KM CRYING ITS FUCKING AMAZING#i love damien like ppl characterize him as being pissed off all the time and while yea technically true#he feels a lot more. immature to me#hes literally like an angsty little kid and the onyl reason he set pip on fire was to impress the 'cool kids' one might say#cuz hes weird and no one liked him#but i like him.#his weirdness is captivating#damien meeting the lame loser kid that he doesnt like and befriending him cuz they actually have a lot in common#(and damien is very very lonely)#also pip deserves a good cry honest to god#i want. him to be happy. nyow#i want damien 2 be happy too tbh#potatart
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ALRIGHT EPISODE 8 REWATCH LETS GOOOO heres your kajii-exclusive post about it from the perspective of someone who's been madly in love with him for several years, its not gonna be coherent at all so buckle the fuck up :)
firstly i want to say how absolutely blessed we are that kajii's entrance scene gets those shots where you can only see up to the first half of his face, that's the good stuff
also this bit right here has been my wallpaper occasionally, i think its hilarious
also i want yall who have not read the manga to know that despite in the anime (both sub and dub) kajii asks "What color is you blood?", in the manga the question is actually "What color is your death?" which is a much more interesting question than the anime made it. which. i need this man to elaborate on, because the thought is so fascinating, PLEASE please infodump about it im all ears
BTW I LOVE IT WHEN HIS GOGGLES ARE ILLUMINATED?? WHAT A GUYYY i could go on a whole rant about how much i love his silhouette scenes where all you see are his goggles and smile but alas thats not for this post, its mostly manga related, but this scene did do it very well
look at his lil surprised face as well, its there for a split second then its gone
NOW THIS. THIS IS QUALITY. many many thoughts about it pardon me ma'am, lemme get that man who's annoying you off of you and onto me instead- COUGHCOUGH COUHG
he's precious and i love him and his kill count as of this episode is 32
:D
an elaboration on his kill count if anyone's interested: 28 from the Maruzen building bombing, 2-3 (im counting three) civilian deaths on the train, and the conductor, who was killed with a silenced gun (as seen in the manga). now keep in mind this is the countable stuff. he's most DEFINITELY killed more than 32, especially if he's been with the PM for far longer than kyouka. given his methods, i want to guess somewhere in the hundreds but we just don't know
here i'll put the stitched-together scenes i've done of this episode as well
first one was only two frames put together, kinda blended and made more visible, and the other one is just multiple frames stacked
#bsdrewatch2023#bsd kajii#motojirou kajii#i do love the rest of the episode but i dont quite have the time to talk about it in depth like some other people have#i've been enjoying seeing a lot of people's thoughts!!#also i wished i couldve gone more into kajii's character in this post but i dont really have time#nor does this particular episode give a lot away#so this was just 'hey look at my man' sorta thing ^^;#this post is sorta a mess‚‚‚#but i wanted to pop into the rewatch thing at this episode so#might as well
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Sold Your Soul
mephone rambles^
#osc#juice art#bot ii#ii bot#inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity fanart#bot ii fanart#ii bot fanart#my friend yelled BOT SOLD THEIR SOUL when she saw this and i thought that was such an amusing thing to say#that i decided to name the art after it#anyway i rewatched spring on the breakfast and despite the cabby & bot situation that hurt me very personally#i did enjoy it a lot#i think they did amazing with showing how childhood trauma victims sometimes experience extreme nostalgia for the tiniest things#and the song is so perfectly tailored to mephone's psyche it's amazing#check the read more for a rant on him in this episode#don't mind the somewhat unusual way of speaking i like to talk differently in different places#but yeah i thought it would be fucked up and fun to make a cute springtastic cereal ad with bot
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im finally watching animatic battle, i wonder how many viewers get all of its references considering how popular of a show it is? i think you'd need to be in the osc for years to fully appreciate the jokes in it
#three of my friends work on it lol its the first time i heard my friends voice since late 2021 i think?#his voice is so DEEP now we used to voice call so much for years. if you pick up on it yeah its him but you wouldnt guess it at first#my only issue with the show is the amount of contestants and how fast paced everything is#maybe cuz i felt out of it and had a hard time processing it#but when comparing: what bfdi does is introduces contesnts overtime making it feel not like too much when s4 starts#and aib doesnt do that but its slow-paced and takes time to introduce each character in each episode#it feels very hard to process everything. i feel like id have to rewatch it a bunch to even remember anything about it#this is a show that benefits from coming out every few months#its not a bad show and i enjoy its concepts but really lacks in the pacing when binging. its just not the type of show id enjoy now#but i really appreciate what it does. animatic is a good character with concept and execution - hes what id wanted to see in four bfb#such a highlight of the show. hes unexpected and it WORKS if the other characters were more normal i think the contrast would be great#seems like theyre setting up the characters being poorly effected by animatic overtime id love to see it#object show characters usually arent fond of their hosts but here they have a REASON to dislike them. its a breathe of fresh air#i think the show has a lot of potential and with the ppl working on it im sure itll live up to it
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Disclaimer: These thoughts are more emotionally than logically expressed, and reflect my own experience and preference.
#I have some beef with Lockwood and I say this as someone who really enjoys both the show and the books.#I've been doing a rewatch to introduce it to my dad (who loves it!) but we just hit Episode 5 and - is it just me but does this episode#plunge rather deeper into the darkness than we see in the previous episodes? It makes sense narratively of course#Complete Fiction has the task of structuring it such that there's a proper midpoint shift in the series and in my own works I increase#the stakes around this point and really let the protagonists struggle. So it's not so much that I have an issue with things getting#more focused dangerous and difficult. I don't know that I have a logical reason for the unease I feel with Episode 5 - there's just somethi#vaguely disturbing to me about it. It may be my own personal sensitivities. The interrogation scene at Winkman's has absolutely nothing#graphic about it and I appreciate the discretion - but it's just so intense - the threats to draw on Lockwood's face with the heated#instrument - the whole electric shocks sequence - I have been told I have a particularly vivid and empathetic imagination so I may just#be filling in too many gaps and feeling the scene more intensely than some would but it genuinely bothered me. More so on rewatch#though I didn't like it the first time either. I wonder too if it's because on rewatch I can compare it to the scene in the book#Gosh - the book scene is *comedic!* 'Let's disguise ourselves as ditzy tourists and while you check the backroom I'll let my coins#fall all over the place and crawl around under the tables loaded with antiques and freak the owners out! And when they get caught#Winkman just lifts them off the ground menacingly and chucks them in the street. The fact that we had to turn this into a midnight#torture scene for TV - I don't know - I don't like it. And just the atmosphere isn't as balanced as in the other episodes. So many flashbac#to grotesque corpse faces which are somehow a lot more disturbing than the CGI ghosts which feel much more Halloweenish#Not much love and light carved out in the darkness. There's some for sure! And even in the torture scene that bugs me I appreciate how it#shows Lockwood's heart and allows us to explore some meaningful territory that the ditzy tourist scene doesn't#I'm just griping and mainly hoping that the rest of the series is more how I remember it from first watch. The warmth of the Portland#Row gang means a lot to me. Stacking this dark feel on top of the discomfort I have with the harsh language rubs me the wrong way#(Thankfully I have online filters so the language isn't an issue for me but it does make me more reluctant to recommend to friends.
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jasper when the gang carries a corpse up a mountain ending
#im weird about charlie and im weird about dead parents so i was screaming and crying#i think this was my fave ep when they all came out?#still a potential#anyways s15 much better on the rewatch the ireland saga is SOOO good#and i loved how it had a storyline from ep to ep#i wanted more from the mac + seminary stuff but it is what it is#i think i still dont rly care for the earlier episodes in the season#year in a review was better this time#enjoyed elements of lw7 but the episode as a concept on its own i have issues with...not for now#enjoy elements of the roller rink a lot but some of it was a bit too...like trying too hard sofsidf#like mac getting everything wrong and the stuff with dee#monkey ep didnt stand out i fear but i liked the dee stuff#i feel like i group 13-15 together because its Post Dennis Double Life#which obviously massive thing for dennis but i feel a general shift from s12 to s13#anyways if i had to rank those 3 seasons 14 is probably my fave#(on the account that the episodes i love are some of my fave eps in the series...but theres some eps in it i rly dislike lol)#15 probably in the middle#13 my least fave but with all of these its like#the eps i like the most i really liked and the ones i didnt i really thought were mid#whereas most of the other seasons there's skips here and there but its more consistent?#have to acknowledge that 13 has mfhp though <3 and wheels <3#anyways. this is getting long#will save my s13 takes for that part of the rewatch. which will be a while im going back to the start babey#no wait i have more to say. i think mountain and mfhp thinking about the two together#like mac and charlie getting their moment like that#showing that sunny does have depth and complexity and emotion but it works with what the gang are inherently#i think during my rewatch i want to rly focus on the last eps of seasons just to Analyse#but off the top of my head i feel like something Shifted with the gang goes to hell#anyways
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You see, the real April Fool's joke was Vash's placement on my F/O list.
This right here? A farce.
Now this? This is the truth.
#I have known him for a little bit more than a week but please know i love him very very much#I may call him mr cringefail loser wet napkin of a man but truly and honestly I love him very much#he's been through so much more than any one person should every have to go through and he is through and through a very gentle soul#he also very badly needs a hug and to be told that everything is gonna be okay#he's honestly what's been helping me get through the day because I'm going to be 100% honest#I have been so incredibly burned out with no time to rest and a lot of the things I enjoy were starting to feel dull cause of the burnout#but starting trigun and seeing this funny not so lil guy kinda brought a spark back to things?#tbh i think i just needed something new to get into#but still he makes me feel so many butterflies and brings new feeling of excitement to life because holy shit i have something new#and it's something that checks all the boxes for me#I very rarely will watch things on my own and I have been watching with friends#but I find myself going back to episodes that we've seen already and rewatching them because of how much I enjoy them#and the manga has been SUCH a fun read so far#and I'm ngl I haven't read a manga on my own without being prompted to in YEARS#so it... admittedly feels very nice#I feel like I'm 20 again and playing EO2U on my own and just enjoying myself#and 2020/2021 was a very low point for me that EO2U helped me cope with specifically#and not to say I'm as low as I was then and that I'm at a low now but I do feel super burnt out and having something that I enjoy#and don't feel bogged down while doing it? feels super nice#dhgfsd don't get me wrong I love all my other interests very very much#but imma be real with y'all whenever I go heavy into resident evil posting that's when I'm at my most mentally ill/lowest#and that's when I go and sit down and play that fdhjskgbfs(unless I'm asked to by a friend or once in a blue moon I just really wanna play)#which recently has been I want to play for enjoyment thank goodness#fbdhjsfvbsdjhi anyway vash the stampede my beloved thank you for bringing a new spark to life and help make things less dull for me <3#sweet little bumblebee
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ok im watching helluva boss finally (had only lasted up till uh. episode 4 originally. Lol). Anyways. I like. LOVE stolas wtf
#Shitpost#every time hes on screen im having a blast#I really love moxie too. He was my first fav#i just uh. Idk when i first saw them i didnt like the first set of eps#Rewatching i obviously knew what to expect so it was more fine and i could better find the parts i DO like vs what i dont#deffo a lot of the humor doesnt work for me like at ALL but on a rewatch thats less unbearable#also i think im more ready for the tone its setting#also i have hazbin which is my preferred story in the verse so its like#I can enjoy helluva because it feels more like a spinoff properly now since hazbin finally has more episodes haha
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#very well said!#i think it's because the question of this season isn't actionable in the way it was for S1 and S2#S3E1 poses the question: why is ted still in london?#it's a soul-searcher rather than a goal#and soul-searching is good! it brings on character development!#but if it isn't grounded in some sort of actionable goal it leads to the aimlessness we're seeing in S3#if we had rebecca clinging harder to defeating rupert coupled with a rivalry with nate THAT would have provided more narrative tension#because rebecca's desperation to win at any cost would put her in conflict with ted's belief winning shouldn't be everything#but also force him to think 'well am i wrong? should my purpose be to win?'#it would also have been a fascinating reversal for rebecca#S1 she's trying to bring down the club by any means and it fails#but what if she had tried to have the club win by any means in S3 and THAT puts them on the brink of destruction?#they flirted with that storyline when they brought zava in but then it fizzled too quickly#i've really been liking this season (probably more than most) but there is a distinct lack of overall narrative tension#and i think it's because too many characters are being relegated to isolated plotlines (via @nancywheeeler)
i think the biggest problem of season 3 (of which there are Several) is the shift away from football being the crux of the story, which has undoubtedly resulted in the aimless, overstuffed, unfocused narrative we've been seeing for the last eight episodes. season one was as excellent as it was because whether richmond won or lost a match actually mattered; if they lost too many matches, they'd be relegated, and relegation was always treated as a distinct, tangible threat. there were stakes. and while season two had its issues with pacing and unnecessary subplots, no one would call it aimless. the characters had a goal (pun intended): to get promoted back to the premier league. if they lost too many matches, they would stay in the championship league. we as the audience were invested in whether or not richmond won or lost, and the narrative was all the stronger and more coherent for it.
season one asked us, can afc richmond avoid relegation? and we were invested in the answer. season two asked us, can afc richmond be promoted? and we were invested in the answer. now we're eight episodes into season three, and the overarching goal of the season, the question it is asking its audience to remain invested in, is...what? what are we building towards? is afc richmond's goal to win the whole damn thing? to beat west ham? to beat man city? to do just enough to avoid relegation again?
and because we can't answer this question, the narrative has suffered greatly. how are we supposed to believe beard when he says man city is the team's white whale if we haven't even seen them play each other yet this season? if ted's total football epiphany was so life-changing for richmond, why did we speed past all the matches this episode where the team won using that strategy? if this is all leading to a final nate-ted west ham-richmond match, why haven't we spent any time with nate at west ham? why haven't we gotten to see him grow and develop as a coach? at one point, the team was doing so badly that higgins suggested firing ted, who has been visibly struggling on and off the pitch - and the narrative did not give that suggestion the weight it might have had in season one or two. we spent an entire episode watching rupert, rebecca, and chelsea fight over zava - and then two episodes later he was gone, and we haven't so much as mentioned him since. just last season, sam was being heralded as the star of afc richmond, highly sought after by other club owners - but we haven't gotten to see any of his alleged brilliance on the pitch this season at all. i have to kick a little ball around, which those same people love me for, sam said in 3.07, that is, until i fuck up or miss a penalty, or i decide to fight back - a speech that was excellently delivered by toheeb, but loses some of its weight because we haven't actually gotten to see any negative reaction to sam missing a penalty or fucking up or deciding to fight back (not even in season 2 after the dubai air boycott).
(all this to say: i do enjoy the show. i love the characters, i've been enjoying the episodes as individual units, and i'll continue to tune in week after week. but for a show that once boasted football was life, it's sure been suffering since it decided to stop focusing on that.)
#yeah!! i disagree with some of the specific examples in the op but overall agree#i said this about episode 8 but it really applies to the season as a whole:#i think this will probably be better on a rewatch because right now i still don't quite know what it's all building toward#and both episode 8 and the season so far are a bit less than the sum of their parts#each individual piece is good but they haven't gelled into a cohesive bigger picture#i was also musing on my drive home just now about how this season is struggling due to the episodes being so long#and while subjectively i don't mind the episode lengths because i'm happy just to spend time with these characters#objectively i can admit that the writing could be a lot tighter/more efficient#though this also ties into that meta post i reblogged recently comparing s3 to senior year of college#where you're just kind of trying to find yourself and questioning what 'the end' of something looks like#the show's being a bit self-indulgent about this being the last season (or at least the end of ted's storyline)#and while i personally don't mind the self-indulgence i get why other people do#this is not a 'season 3 sucks how dare this show not provoke the same emotional reaction i had in 2020#yknow when we were all deep into pandemic quarantine and were desperate for any warmth and comfort' post#i'm still enjoying season 3 a whole goddamn lot but i can acknowledge that it's less focused than the first two seasons#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers
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clarisse being touchy clarisse la rue x reader (no godly parent specified) a/n: this randomly came to me while rewatching the second episode and i decided to write it. it's 11:30pm at the time of starting this, so idk how coherent this is gonna be, but it's gonna be cute, so strap in and enjoy the ride! taglist: @asvterias @lvrue @thewritingbarbie @kroumi @ravisinghs-wife
you were used to seeing a touchy clarisse. the two often found ways to be alone, to be just the two of you alone together. this was when clarisse got out all of her touchiness on you. whenever the two of you were in your little world, she never let go of you.
but the past few days had been busy. there had been lots of different types of incidents, and the two of you hadn't been able to get together just the two of you.
so when some of the other camp counsellors announced that they were holding a counselor-only bonfire, the two of you jumped at the opportunity.
at the beginning of the bonfire, clarisse was just holding your hand. you would occasionally lean your head on her shoulder, and she would lay her cheek on the top of your head. a few times, she pressed a kiss to your hair as well.
nobody really blinked at that, since those were things that the two of you already did. it was a bit of a shock at first, clarisse acting anything but hostile towards another person, but at this point, after the two of you dating for over a year, everyone was used to it.
as the night wore on, however, clarisse's restraint dissolved. she wanted so desperately to hold you, to grab onto you and never let you go.
she started following you around wherever you were, refusing to let go of your hands. when you told her that you needed your hands to get s'more stuff, she decided to just curl her arm around your waist, and refuse to let that go.
after a while, you wandered off while she was talking to someone from her cabin. she realized two seconds too late that you had extricated her hand from your waist, and she whirled around, freaking out.
she caught sight of you just a few seconds later, sitting in a camping chair roasting a marshmallow. her eyebrows knitted together as she walked up behind you.
she gently laid her hands on your shoulders, startling you slightly. you turned your head sharply, but smiled when you caught sight of her. "hi!" you said cheerily.
clarisse's mouth turned down into a sad frown as she gave you her puppy dog eyes.
"what?" you asked, turning around further in the chair to be more head on with her.
clarisse blew out a sad breath, and made eye contact with you as she asked, "why did you leave me?"
"oh my gods," you let out a laugh as you sagged against the camping chair. "you're so dramatic," you said.
clarisse scoffed. "i looked away for one second! one second, and you were gone! i thought a monster got you," she huffed.
"no you didn't!" you started cackling as you took hold of her hand that was rested on the top of the camping chair. you gave it a gentle kiss and looked up at clarisse through your lashes, giving her your own puppy dog eyes, the ones that were famous for getting clarisse to do literally anything you want. she wavers, but does her best to remain composed. "do you wanna come sit with me?"
and that was it.
clarisse immediately walked around the camping chair, and grabbed your hands to pull you up. she sat down in the chair, and then pulled you to sit in her lap.
this was something that clarisse loved, something the two of you did quite a lot. there was just something about having you, the most important person in her life, on her lap. she was able to wrap her arms around your waist and pull you closer to her. she was also able to lay her head on your shoulder, and she really loved that.
as soon as you were sat securely on her lap, she pulled the two of you closer, and laid her head on your shoulder, closing her eyes with a small smile on her face. she laid her hand in the crook of your elbow, gently stroking your arm as you roasted your marshmallow.
it was times like this that you and clarisse absolutely shocked everyone else at camp.
clarisse was a daughter of ares, and she really fit the bill. she was known for being ruthless in combat, absolutely terrifying with her magic spear. she hunted fearlessly in her neck of the woods during capture the flag, and it was so renowned that everybody avoided those woods as best they could during the games.
suffice to say, clarisse was known for being scary.
but she was different when she was with you. it was like you flicked a switch somewhere inside of her, made her different. you softened her edges, made her less scratchy. well, with you at least. she was still just as scratchy with everyone else, so to speak.
right at this very moment, luke, chris, and a few other counselors were looking at the two of you in complete awe and confusion.
"it's so weird to see her like that still," chris says, looking at the two in confusion.
luke nodded in agreement. "i agree," he watched as clarisse nuzzled against your neck, and sent you a beaming smile as you looked down at her with one of your own. she pecked your lips softly, and luke turned back to the group he was with. "it's crazy to see the switch. literally five minutes ago she was like, scolding me for taking too many chips,"
one of the other counselors laughed. "the other day, i accidentally put a sword back in the wrong spot, and she yelled at me for a solid five minutes. right as i was about to burst into tears, y/n walked in, and clarisse immediately melted,"
"she's so whipped," luke laughed, and the others laughed along with him.
clarisse knew she was whipped, she was very much so aware of that. but she was also, very much so okay with that.
she had never loved anyone as much as she loved y/n.
#clarisse la rue#clarisse larue#clarisse la rue x reader#clarisse la rue drabble#clarisse la rue x you#clarisse la rue x yn#clarisse la rue x y/n#clarisse la rue fluff#percy jackson#dior goodjohn#❛ xanasaurusrex ༉‧₊˚#heroes of olympus#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo#hoo
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Listening to Artificial Condition again, it strikes me how much Murderbot uses empathy reflexively as a survival skill. Look at this bit.
Upon meeting it, ART allows it on board and then announces that it knows that Murderbot is rogue. Then ART threatens to destroy it if it hacks ART's own systems. Murderbot is immediately terrified and shuts down all inputs, gives serious thought to spending the entire three month journey unconscious, and then considers the potential avenues of damage from ART's drones. ART, not realizing why Murderbot had suddenly gone silent, tells it to quit sulking, which understandably pisses off the still-terrified Murderbot. It dumps a bunch of memories of coercive treatment into ART's feed, and ART goes silent.
Then this happens:
Then it said, I’m sorry I frightened you. Okay, well. If you think I trusted that apology, you don’t know Murderbot. Most likely it was playing a game with me. I said, “I don’t want anything from you. I just want to ride to your next destination.” I’d explained that earlier, before it opened the hatch for me, but it was worth repeating. I felt it withdraw back behind its wall. I waited, and let my circulatory system purge the fear-generated chemicals. More time crawled by, and I started to get bored. Sitting here like this was too much like waiting in a cubicle after I’d been activated, waiting for the new clients to take delivery, for the next boring contract. If it was going to destroy me, at least I could get some media in before that happened. I started the new show again, but I was still too upset to enjoy it, so I stopped it and started rewatching an old episode of Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon. After three episodes, I was calmer and reluctantly beginning to see the transport’s perspective. A SecUnit could cause it a lot of internal damage if it wasn’t careful, and rogue SecUnits were not exactly known for lying low and avoiding trouble. I hadn’t hurt the last transport I had taken a ride on, but it didn’t know that. I didn’t understand why it had let me aboard, if it really didn’t want to hurt me. I wouldn’t have trusted me, if I was a transport. Maybe it was like me, and it had taken an opportunity because it was there, not because it knew what it wanted.
The thing about Murderbot's survival is that it clearly involves quite a bit of negotiating with other constructs and bots. That's how it talks its way onto cargo hauler bots in the first place. It uses empathy--envisioning the emotional and cognitive context of the individuals it encounters--to work out what different kinds of people want, so that it can offer them fair trades. It also uses empathy to consider what humans might be looking for, so it can practice blending in and hide.
Murderbot would never have survived so long if it wasn't capable of assessing the individual desires of the people--human, bot, and construct--around it. It thinks about ART's probable fears and motivations so that it can consider whether ART is inherently an ongoing threat or a potential ally.
When your survival depends on evading detection, you get really good at assessing perceptual biases so that you can shape yourself to fit into them. People talk about murderbot being radically empathetic as a choice it makes, or as a feature of its personality that makes it a good person. But I think murderbot would be the the first person to tell you that this empathy is part of its threat assessment suite, a skill that was developed out of necessity in order to allow you to survive.
It is also a trait that makes murderbot a good person, of course: it chooses very carefully to try to survive by doing as little harm as possible and by offering things, like media, that buy it access to things it needs. But it started as a survival skill. It's part of hypervigilance.
I think one of the strengths of this series is that so many of the things we love about SecUnit are traits developed for survival in an inherently threatening world. The shape of its mind and heart have been changed by the trauma of its origin--but they don't make murderbot less good for being altered, even if that skill was developed in a traumatic context.
I like that.
#murderbot#empathy as a tool#note that this is not necessarily natural empathy#it's cognitive and only happens when the adrenaline eases off#going to work my way though the existing published series before I dig into my brand new copy of the new one
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This Week in BL - Lots of lovely kisses & an unwarranted upset in the standings
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
Oct 2024 Week 2
Ongoing Series - Thai
Fourever You (Thai Thurs YT) ep 2 of 16 - Yes yes J&J should be first but I am weak in the face of, well, frankly this man's face:
Pond = greatest piner in a dog’s age. The yearning in that boy’s eyes is obscene, it’s like the most explicit sex that only he can see and we’re just voyeurs.
Thus I continue to adore this stupid show and everything it stands for. No notes. May the fluff continue eternal.
Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - Everyone is so skilled in this show, but War is truly glorious. Considering the pacing, I think we are probably in for some long periods of darkness, suffering, and pain soon. I’m not mad about that prospect, it’s earned and foreshadowed, I just thought I’d lay it out there.
Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - More boys from GMMTV with good communication. Who knew? Min has SUCH a white knight complex. NO SINGING. Good demanding kiss, though. Well, Ohm can handle anything.
Meanwhile, this really is a bodyguard romance under another name. And I kinda wanna rewatch Never Let Me Go as a result.
Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 15 - Earn remains best boy and my favorite character. Phun is v jelly, as he should be. AND I like Ohm & N'Mik better in this version. I still prefer the original leads, but I’m enjoying this enough.
I had no idea how much I missed Gunsmile! It’s so nice to see him on my screen again.
Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 12 fin - I hate Diew’s mom. Hate her. So much. She may be my least favorite mom ever in BL. That’s saying a lot. No I don’t think she was redeemed.
Conclusion
Adapted from the novel Godzilla Next Door by Jiwinil about an introvert who lives mostly in his room, until a loud annoying extrovert moves in next door. This was one of my top picks for 2024 and I’m delighted to say it satisfied expectations. A charmingly serene story of opposites attract, that featured good communication, patience, and genuine affection used to build a solid relationship.(I’m particularly delighted that our musician is a drummer and I don’t have to listen to him sing.) Yes it’s a tad slow but it’s very earnest and leans into the kind of sweetness that Thai BL does best. Doesn’t hurt that this starred an actor (Big) that many of us have been hoping would get a lead for years. I was pleased and comforted. This is not a kind of BL that suits everybody, but it suited me admirably. 8/10
Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - Ozone and the Ice Prince (name still unknown) did their little dance. What an earnest and romantic confession from our Icy man. I literally said “no no no just kiss, no foreheads.” And it was a great crying kiss, my favorite. Honestly, that amount of emotion hadn’t been earned by this pair, but I don’t mind. I could watch a whole show just about them. Also woah! Major nekid on YT?
Thailand......
Risking demonetization for arse…...
I guess we’ve all been there.
Where was I?
I’m happy with this episode since it was mostly my side couple. But the distribution of main couple and side couple and the focus of each episode is wildly erratic with this show. It’s very odd. (And let's be clear we ordered errotic not erratic.)
Every You Every Me (Thai Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Jade and Chin have lived over a thousand lifetimes. In each one they somehow manage to fall in love with each other. (This pair, TopMick was piloted in a My Universe ep, that was one of the only ones I liked.) Soulmate premise is a mix of Color Rush and La Pluie. Frankly, this isn’t as good as either, but it’s enjoyable in a slow cheerful way. Especially if you like this particular set of tropes. It’s quietly lovely and I like the leads. Sunshine is very very sunshine and our tsundere is a grumpy mysterious nerd. Trigger for domestic abuse. It looks like each episode is gonna be a completely different meet cute with the same pairing. It’s more linked vignettes than any overarching story. So if you don’t like this pair, you won’t like this series.
Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 9 of 10 - More sports day. (Everybody’s doing sports days right now.) Random sides kissing. Where did the glasses person come from? Was he introduced and I forgot about it? Oh that’s the evil cousin! Okay… anygay. Sides randomly flip-flop who they like and I don’t know what the fuck is going on. This show. I swear. Ooo caught kissing. And… killed? What a mind fuck of a soap opera. Honestly, I’m fine if he’s dead, I don’t care at this point I just feel jerked around.
For some reason no eng sub for me for the first half. So I watched with Spanish subs (which is about as good as my Thai, only for different words). What a wild experience.
Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh dear. I just can’t imagine ever rooting for this couple. Which means… Why am I watching this?
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
My Damn Business (Korea Sat YT) eps 1-2 of 7 - Oh I love it. Casual flirty westernized-style boss. Reserved reluctant cutie (yes we’ve seen the actor before). Is it disgusting workplace harassment? Oh most certainly. Do I enjoy it anyway? Yep, I’m warped. No defense, but at least it’s something from Korea.
Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 3 of ? - I like the lead being bullied and pushed to his limit thus turning into a psychopath. It’s gonna be a fun ride if it really goes Devil Judge just teens and actually gay. I wonder if it has the strength of its convictions?
Our Golden Times (Hong Kong YT) 5 fin? - I guess that is the reunion? What an odd little piece. I’m not entirely sure what I feel about it except that this feels more BL than anything Hong Kong has given us so far (which isn't much). The subs are truly terrible. Since I speak absolutely zero Cantonese I can’t really fix them in my brain. I thought this was the final ep but then a teaser for ep 6 dropped so I we have at least one more.
First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - It was a nice, if entirely unearned reunion. And the leads do kiss beautifully. Trust Taiwan. I am so glad that Orca is back! There was even a little language play flip-flopping just for me. Very cute. Also GREAT kissing. How long have we been waiting for Thailand and Taiwan to kiss?
Eccentric Romance (Korea Weds Viki) eps 1-2 of 12 - Silkwood’s 2nd Thai/Korean colab. This has been in production since 2022 which is a LONG time in the BL world (worrying). But I like the concept: friends of 10 years who’ve been hiding feelings for each other enter the same university. Plus MURDER. Stars Yoon Jun Won (The Man BLK) and Thai actor Save Saisawat (Ai Long Nhai). I begin to think every The Man BLK member will eventually lead out a BL at this point.
It’s enjoyable in a weird way. Grumpy (hottie with a crush) + sunshine (captain oblivious). I gotta say, since this is the second relationship dual lingo style in our BL rn that it’s ALWAYS weird if the other half doesn't occasionally code switch languages, especially for specific words. In other words, the Korean dude is supposed to at least understand Thai, occasionally he’s should use a Thai world to get a point across. And the Thai dude is there to STUDY KOREAN, he should be slipping in and out of Korean regularly. Bah.
It's airing but...
Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 5 of 10 eps - I never managed to get hold of ep 5. Frankly, it’s going to Netflix (I don’t subscribe) so I might not finish this out of sheer laziness.
The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.
Gangster and His Boyfriend (Korea ????) 8 eps? - was supposed to air 10/10 Kim Dong Bin (famous trainee & idol reality competitor, yeah that happens) stars as a fallen idol who unexpectedly becomes entangled in a gangster family. Discovers that his friend’s father is responsible for the murder of his entire family years ago. I don't know much about this one, neither does anyone else and I'm not sure where I got that release date so……
Next Week Looks Like This:
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
Still Coming Oct 2024:
10/17 Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (Korea Thurs Gaga) 8 eps - High school student Do Hoe lives with his violent and brutal father who runs a Taekwondo gym in a rural area. One day, cheerful Ju Young arrives, he dreams of going to college for Taekwondo. Joy begins to fill Do Hoe's dark life. An unexpected incident forces them apart, they reunite ten years later.
10/21 Love in the Big City (Korea ????) 8 eps - Okay, this is both a movie (already out) and a series. Neither one is likely BL and I can't imagine it will end happily. I'm giving both a pass but here's your synopsis.
Cynical fun loving student Young pinballs from home, to class, to on night stands. He and Jaehee, his female besie and roommate, frequent nearby bars where they push away their worries about life, love, and money with soju and hookups.
10/23 See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga & Viki) 10 eps? - Zi Xiong, a third-generation heir, attempting to flee from taking over their family business, meets and falls in love with Shao Peng, who works as a hearing-impaired nurse. From the same production house as Kiseki Dear To Me in partnership with Shinehouse Theatre, funded by Taiwan’s BIGART + Japan's Rakuten (Viki). Show includes Lin Chia Yo (Be Loved in House: I Do). Director Chiang Ping Chen’s childhood experiences with his deaf uncle have inspired the drama.
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
Addicted Heroin
Incidentally he didn’t ask to “be with Ter” he asked if he could flirt/court him. jeeb doesn’t really have a direct translation, but it isn’t “be with.”
Fourever You
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.
#this week in BL#BL updates#Jack & Joker#Jack and Joker#Addicted Heroin#fourever you#Battle of the Writers#Monster Next Door review#Eccentric Romance#First Note of Love#Teenage Judge#Kidnap the series#Love Sick 2024#Bad Guy My Boss#Every You Every Me#My Damn Business#Our Golden Times#upcoming BL#BL news#BL reviews#BL gossip#Thai BL#Vietnamese BL#Japanese BL#live action yaoi#Koren BL#BL starting soon#BL coming soon#new BL#hong kong BL
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Why you should watch 乘风破浪 and 披荆斩棘 to learn Chinese
What are these shows?
Both 披荆斩棘 and 乘风破浪 follow the same basic format: 30+ celebrity contestants, mostly actors and singers ages 30+, form teams and compete in singing and dancing over several rounds. Viewers vote on their favorite performances and contestants, and 1-3 contestants are eliminated each round. The top contestants form a temporary "group" and appear on a follow-up reality show.
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Why you should watch
1. Exposure to different accents
Contestants come from all over the Chinese-speaking world: Dongbei, Sichuan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and even Malaysia. I can personally say that watching these shows has vastly improved my ability to understand the Hong Kong Mandarin accent.
2. Pop culture knowledge
Because the contestants are celebrities, you'll be introduced to dozens of famous actors, singers, etc. Also, you'll hear the many iconic songs that they cover. I've impressed several native speakers with my with knowledge of pop culture and music.
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3. Branch out to new media
These shows serve as a gateway to Chinese music, movies, and TV. if you really like the contestants who are actors, you can check out their shows and movies. If you enjoy a certain song or like a contestant who's a singer, you can explore more music.
4. Casual and formal registers
You’ll get to hear casual, unscripted speech while watching the behind-the-scenes and rehearsal clips. But you’ll also get to hear more formal speech when they’re announcing rules and also from the MC who hosts the actual live performances.
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5. Incredible talent
Also, you should watch for the awesome performances and general fun. I love seeing the contestants' friendships, and I’m also obsessed with the amazing sets. There are some incredibly talented performers on these shows, and I love getting to see them shine.
Where to watch
All seasons are free to watch on YouTube! Sometimes clips may be muted or missing, probably due to YouTube's restrictions. But the vast, vast majority is available, and when a clip is missing, you can usually do a separate search and find it. I also pay for a Mango TV subscription, which is $1.99 USD/month.
乘风破浪 full episode playlist links:
乘风破浪的姐姐1
乘风破浪的姐姐2
乘风破浪3
乘风2023
乘风2024
披荆斩棘 full episode playlist links:
披荆斩棘的哥哥1
披荆斩棘2
披荆斩棘3
披荆斩棘4
To help you get started, below is a YouTube playlist of my some of my favorite performances (5 per season, except for the most recent season of each). Cause why not! Also, below the cut I'll put more details along with direct links to my favorite performances.
And if you're a fellow fan emotionally preparing for the 披荆斩棘4 finale 🥲, feel free to message me and commiserate!
See similar posts: I watched all the Chinese idol survival shows so you don’t have to (but you should anyway) Tips for finding Chinese-language media you like
Sisters Who Make Waves
Chinese title: 乘风破浪的姐姐 (S1-2) / 乘风破浪 (S3) / 乘风 (S4-5) English title: Sisters Who Make Waves (S1-3) / Ride the Wind (S4-5) *I call it Sisters for short
This series is the original, having started in 2020. The focus was on female empowerment, particularly of women 30+. A lot of the celebrities had slowed down in their careers, and the show served as their reintroduction to audiences. While female empowerment is still a theme today, I do feel it has lessened in prominence.
Season 1
The original, iconic season. You can tell they had a limited budget and not a ton of space, but it doesn't detract at all thanks to the incredible talent and energy of the contestants. And they had no idea what a phenomenon the show was going to be! Many of my most rewatched performances come from the season.
得不到的爱情
大碗宽面
相爱后动物感伤
FLOW
新物种
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Season 2
This season has a special place in my heart as the first one I watched! It's the only one I've seen twice (when it originally aired and rewatched with friends). Compared to season 1, you can definitely tell they had a bigger budget and started to refine the format. Also, some of my all-time favorite contestants are from this season.
现在不跳舞要干嘛
归零
快乐宝贝
给自己的歌
我
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Season 3
This season was the first with the show's "modern" and fully-developed format, which remains to this day. For example, they started to include more complex sets and recruited more diverse contestants, such as dancers, an athlete, etc. Also, my favorite performance of the entire series, 雾里, is from this season.
雾里
梦中人
山海
孤独颂歌
有吗炒面
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Season 4
This season was the first time I felt there wasn’t improvement over the previous season. I think the stage design took a step backward, and I didn't love the international focus. It was hard to identify my favorite performances because I didn't feel strongly about many. That being said, my friends and I still enjoyed this season.
从头
千里万里
下个,路口���见
归途有风
I'm Not Yours
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Season 5
Though this season has already ended, I'm not done yet. I watch with friends, so we move at a slower pace. So far, it seems largely in line with season 4. I'll update this post after we finish.
Call Me By Fire
Chinese title: 披荆斩棘的哥哥 (S1) / 披荆斩棘 (S2-3) English title: Call Me By Fire *I call it Brothers as a nickname
A show about female empowerment gets a male spin off? Out of skepticism, I did not plan to check out this show when it premiered in 2021 (after Sisters S2). But at some point I changed my mind, mostly because I had to run out of other shows. Little did I know I would arguably become a more devoted fan of this show than the original!
Season 1
This season had too many iconic performances to count, and in particular, the Hong Kong contestants really took the world by storm. Due to scandals, they edited out 2 contestants (Huo Zun and Li Yundi), which admittedly does make for an awkward viewing experience at times, but you should totally watch anyway.
凄美地
MMA
飞云之下
达拉崩吧
如果还有明天
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Season 2
Looking back, season 2 did not have as many stand out performances as season 1, but it does boast my favorite performances of the entire series, 新地球. It also features a fantastic group of contestants, probably my favorite overall cohort of the show.
新地球
袖手旁观
私人生活
理想
凤毛麟角
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Season 3
This was the first season to air after I started watching, though I didn't watch it live because I was still on season 2. While it's probably impossible to top the iconic status of season 1, I think season 3 was an improvement over season 2 in terms of memorable performances. We also got the iconic 0713 (2007快乐男声全国13强) contestants.
行走的鱼
爱人错过
Joker
走麦田
有没有一首歌会让你想起我
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Season 4
This season is sadly coming to an end, although I have not started the finale yet. I'll start this weekend and update this post in the future after I've had some time to gather my thoughts.
Now I have to go finish 披荆斩棘4 episode 11 so I can watch the finale. Bye!!!
#my watchlist#deciding what to include was soooo hard I was in pain#also sadly some really good ones are not available on youtube prob cause of the usage rights#if just 1 person checks out these shows it will be worth the inexcusable amount of time I invested in this post#to contextualize my obsession know that I have painstakingly translated and subtitled 20+ songs from Sisters#just so my friends who don’t know chinese could enjoy them#I think amber liu and xue zhiqian must have the same stylist cause so many of her outfits look like they could be his lol#sisters who make waves#ride the wind#乘风破浪的姐姐#乘风破浪#乘风#chengfengpolang#call me by fire#披荆斩棘的哥哥#披荆斩棘#pijingzhanji#cvariety#chinese variety show
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The Perfect Cocktail
Synopsis: You and San get into a fight that leads to Seonghwa and Siyeon having to mix up the perfect cocktail to get the both of you to make up. Pairings: Bff!San x fem!reader ; Renjun from NCT dream is also mentioned in the fic but not as a love interest per se; Siyeon from Dreamcatcher is Seonghwa's fraternal twin in this because I said so genre: crack, fluff, angst if u squint and look really hard Warnings: alcohol drinking and going to a club, oc jokes about offing herself once because of school, Siyeon jokes about a dilf professor WC: 2.8k (I got way too carried away this was supposed to be a blurb 😭); flashbacks are in italics a/n: this is fiction, so anything that is written in this piece does not portray these people's character irl. Please always read the warnings carefully. I got way too carried away with this one, but I hope you guys enjoy it! HIMYM is one of my favorite TV shows and I was inspired to write this fic because I rewatched a couple episodes. I also have no clue why I keep writing about clubs and sports, I have like 0 background in that so if there are any inaccuracies then you'll just have to deal with it lmao. I highkey think the formatting of this fic is off but as always, your feedbacks are always deeply appreciated. Hope you enjoy the fic!
“You know, if it bothers you so much, you should just go and talk to him.” Siyeon points out, taking you out of your train of thought.
“I mean, I could…” But you wouldn’t. Siyeon shakes her head.
You and San had a lot in common. You met at the age of six when you both decided you wanted to learn taekwondo. You shared a love for mint chocolate chip ice cream, a dislike for vegetables, and a deep passion for cats. But above all, you were both painfully in love with each other and too afraid to admit it. In your years of friendship, this was one of the biggest fights you’ve had to date.
[ 1 week ago ]
“I can’t believe you, San. You know how much this club means to me!” You point at San, your eyes are filled with disbelief. The arts club was something that you had joined on a whim during the first week of freshman year, but as time lapsed you grew to love the small group of artists in it.
“It was only a suggestion, I swear. I didn’t know they meant the arts club. C’mon, y/n, you gotta believe me.” He massages the bridge of his nose, then looks at you.
“God, you jocks never fucking think about anyone else but yourselves.” You mumble. A hurt expression quickly flashes on San’s face but he quickly regains his composure. You shake your head and cross your arms over your chest. The lunch in front of the both of you is forgotten as the atmosphere gets more heated.
“Look, when I suggested getting funding from somewhere else, I had no idea they’d take it from the arts club. Hell, I didn’t even think they’d take my idea seriously. Y/n, we need the money to get better equipment. You know this. We might actually have a fighting chance against SMU this year!” San argues with you.
“We had to fight tooth and nail for that money, San. You know those funds were going to help renovate the studio.” You bite back.
Siyeon and Seonghwa exchanged concerned glances. As fraternal twins, they were extremely good at communicating with each other, almost to the point of telepathy. They shared a look that they knew meant one thing.
We need to do something about this.
[ 5 days later ]
You groan as you plop yourself on your bed. Today was a long day. You woke up late to your first lecture of the day, scraped your knee because you tripped while running to said class, and had to skip lunch for an emergency meeting with your groupmates for your health ethics class. You silently cursed at your professor for thinking that an impromptu group project was a good idea.
“I despise that man.” You mumble into your pillow, still laying face down on it.
“I don’t know, if it wasn’t unethical I’d probably tap that.” You lift your head off of your pillow just to throw Siyeon a disgusted look.
“Mr. Kyle?! Gross.”
“What? He’s tall and cute. He gives me Carlisle Cullen vibes” Siyeon reasons out.
“He’s also 33, Siyeon.” She just chuckles at my words.
“Well, enough about your professor. You need a break. You aren’t looking too good.” Siyeon looks at me with genuine concern.
I probably looked worse than I felt. It was midterms week and deadlines were piling up. To make matters worse, you and San had not talked to each other for the whole week. But both of you were too stubborn to apologize to each other.
“God, tell me about it. I’m one minor inconvenience away from becoming a statistic.” You joke.
“Well….” Siyeon starts, I look over at her. “Midterms week ends this week, we could go clubbing this Saturday?” I groan at this suggestion.
“Siyeon, you did not just suggest that. Remember the last time we went out clubbing?”
“One more martini, kind sir!” Siyeon giggled at the bartender. He handed her the nth martini of the night, and she waddled her way back to the booth where you, San, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong, Seonghwa’s friend, were stationed.
“You know what would be stupid? If you guys dared us to make out. Wouldn’t that be so stupid?” Siyeon giggles again, while nursing her martini. Your eyes widen as you shake your head. She leans into you, making heart eyes at you then looking over to the boys.
“I dare you guys to dare us to make out.”
Needless to say, you were adamant to get her to sober up quickly that night.
“Every. Time.” You deadpan at Siyeon.
“What?! We had a great timeeeee.” She whines out her sentence. She gives me her best set of puppy eyes and looks at me with a pout.
“Pretty please.”
“Fine. But no martinis. I mean it.” You could never say no to her puppy eyes.
“I only suggested that because it would be so stupid…. So stupid.” she mumbles. But she grins inwardly, the plan had to work.
She sends Seonghwa a text.
SY: she folded, going clubbing tom SH: san just agreed to tomorrow too SH: operation perfect cocktail is a go SY: i did not agree to calling it that SY: nerd 🫵
[ Earlier that morning ]
The twins are sitting at their apartment table munching on some stale cereal. They clearly had a lot on their mind. It had been 4 days and you and San were still actively trying to avoid each other. This fight had been going on too long for comfort. Usually, you and San resolved fights within 2 days of starting them. You guys were whipped for each other, but too stupid to actually realize it.
“We need to interfere.” Seonghwa breaks the silence.
“Yeah, but they clearly won’t talk to each other. At least, not sober.” Siyeon reasons out.
“Wait no, that’s actually a great idea. We need to get those bitches drunk!” He suggests, pointing his spoon around.
“But, we can’t just get them any kind of drunk. We need a plan, Hwa.”
“Right, right. We need to get them the right kind of drunk. How about something mellow, red wine?” He suggests.
“I don’t know, red wine has a weird effect on y/n. She reaches like, a sad point of clarity.”
The room was buzzing with excitement as the countdown for the new year was about to start. Siyeon was sitting across y/n, at a college bar sipping on some red wine.
“B+. All my life I just wanted to be an A, but I’m a B+. And I just have to live with that?” she stares at her glass with a forlorn expression.
Happy New Year!
“If we want them to open up, I say we go straight up gin.” Siyeon gets a piece of paper to write down their ideas.
“Hmmm, last time San got gin drunk it was at that trashy sports bar. He almost got into a fight that night” Seonghwa shakes his head.
San was trudging through the dimly lit hallway trying to find the men’s room. He turns left and notices another guy walking towards him.
“Look at this dude. Who does he think he is? Walking to me, showing me no respect. I’ll show this chump what I’m made of.” San thinks to himself.
He continues walking down the hallway, taking large strides trying to size up his opponent. Just as he is about to make contact with his newly sworn enemy– thump.
What the?
Oh. It was a mirror.
“How about cocktails… Pina Coladas?” Seonghwa suggests.
“Well, when san has one of those he gets really into himself.” Seonghwa recalls.
It was a halloween tradition for the five of you to hang out at the twin’s apartment and have cocktails. And as the night progressed everyone was getting buzzed with the “pina ghoul-adas” made by Hongjoong. Everyone was gathered at the front of the television watching Gonjiam– all except San who was too scared to even look at the TV. Instead, he was stationed at the front of a full-length mirror nursing the yellow drink in his hand and swaying to the sounds of the movie. He was looking at his own reflection with sensual feline eyes. Clearly he was feeling himself.
“Hey guys. I dare you to dare us to make out.” San playfully winks at his own reflection.
“Sannie, you know that’s another mirror right?” Hongjoong points out. But San is too busy flirting with his own reflection.
“They’re idiots.” Seonghwa sighs.
“Agreed.” Siyeon nods.
“This better work. I can’t have another lunch with the both of them going at each other. They ruined taco tuesday.” Seonghwa says solemnly.
“We got this.” Siyeon smirks.
If there was one thing the Park twins were great at, it was meddling in other people’s lives. To this day, you still shudder at what they did to Chris after he stole and reformatted Hongjoong’s laptop. You never wanted to get on either of their bad sides.
[ Saturday night ]
Dolled up and ready to finally let loose, you and Siyeon book an uber going to the club that you guys usually frequent. But when you get there, you aren’t too thrilled to see San standing near the entrance with Seonghwa and Hongjoong. You look over to Soyeon with an unimpressed look.
“Really?” You deadpan at her.
“The boys wanted to come with, okay? And I knew you would cancel on me if you knew….” She smiles sheepishly at you. But you know what? You were not going to let some stupid boy get in between you and a fun time.
“God, I need to get drunk.” You sigh to yourself. This night better be a fun one.
You guys walk into the club after lining up to get in. The place is teeming with sweaty bodies dancing and grinding on the dancefloor. Usually, you would have cringed at the sight of so many people. But with the 3 shots of tequila you and Siyeon drank as pre-game, the positive buzz was humming through your body and your inhibitions were starting to melt away. You guys make it to the bar but there is a line to get drinks. Hongjoong leaves for the men’s room, and the twins volunteer to get the first round of drinks, leaving you and San to awkwardly sit in silence as you wait for the twins to come back.
Lining up at the bar, the twins look over to you and San basically ignoring each other. Sitting across from each other at the booth, it looks like the both of you haven’t even said anything to each other.
“Okay, we’ve cross-referenced every alcoholic drink with their reactions. What’s the right drink for this situation?” Siyeon she eyes the both of you sitting at the booth.
“They aren’t even looking at each other…. Hmm, we need a drink that will start a fight.” Seonghwa says.
Gin.
-----
“God and we’re back to this again. You can’t honestly believe that I would suggest something like that and be serious about it y/n.” San’s eyebrows furrow at your unimpressed expression.
“I don’t know, San. Can I? I knew you didn’t like me hanging out with Renjun but this would be taking it way too far.” You roll your eyes at him. Maybe it was the alcohol buzzing in you. Or maybe it was the over stimulating environment. But whatever it was, you were getting fired up. In fact, you both were.
“What does this have to do with me not liking Renjun?! I don’t like the bitch but I wouldn’t backstab you like that like some crazy psycho!” Bringing up Renjun clearly bothered San a lot. Of course, he didn’t like him. He could tell that he also had a crush on you. It takes one to know one, you could say. But he would rather manscape coach Liu before he admitted that out loud. Deep down, he knew that some sick part of him was a little happy that you would spend a little less time with the boba-eyed boy. But, he didn’t want to tear down something that he knew meant a lot to you.
“Well if you really were my friend, you should’ve fought for me!” You point at him.
“Okay, now that we have them where we want them. We need a drink that will make them emotionally vulnerable. I’m talking full on Kim Kardashian ugly crying.” Seonghwa says.
“Right. Right. We need something that will turn subtext into text.”Siyeon scans through the handy notes that she took down.
Whisky.
-----
“I just felt like I was never good enough to be your friend. I’m not talented in drawing like you are. I could never really relate to how you and Renjun banter over your arts and stuff. It felt like I was being replaced!” He tears up. His pout and his red face was melting your heart.
“Oh Sannie, I could never replace you. I was just so hurt when the club’s funds were going to be used for something else. I was so upset that I took it out on you. I just wanted something to be involved in, you know? To feel important.” You slur out your heartfelt words.
“y/n, you are so important to me. Like super duper atomic bomb important.” San hiccups.
“It just felt like you were getting so involved with soccer that you would forget about me…” You pout, tears starting to gather in your eyes.
“Oh god, I never thought about how you would feel.” San cries out.
“I never thought about how YOU would feel. I’m such a dingus.” You wipe away your tears and frown. You see a bit of your mascara in your finger. But you felt like a weight was lifted off of your shoulder.
“Man that got depressing real fast.” Siyeon looks over at both of your forms drunkenly leaning on one another after that heart-to-heart conversation.
“We need them to let loose a little. I mean, that’s what we came here for anyway. Might as well give them a little of what they actually came here for.” Seonghwa points out.
Pina Colada.
-----
You and San are slowly swaying your hips to the tunes of Charli XCX’s top hits. The strobe lights are bouncing off the walls, the bass of the songs vibrating throughout the club so hard they make your heart hurt. The both of you were finally having some fun after midterms week fried your brain.
“Wooooo! Fuck health ethics, fuck my professor, and fuck midterms week!” You nod to the beat of the song.
San was dancing in front of a mirror placed on the corner of the club, just having a great time twirling the little umbrella that came with his drink. He was making the same sensual look at himself in the mirror, biting his lip even.
“God I missed this feeling.” Seonghwa sighs in satisfaction, looking over at the two of you breaking it down to Guess by Charli XCX.
“I know right. Now I know why we love meddling in people’s lives so much. Dance my puppets, dance!” Siyeon rubs her hands together like a villain in a disney movie.
“Okay, let’s end the night before they black out and forget everything. We need to end it with a bang.” Seonghwa says.
Beer.
-----
“I love you.” San slurs while stumbling across the pavement with his one arm wrapped around your waist.
“No, I love YOU.” You giggle and boop his nose. You are swayed by his unsteady walking.
“God, we are just so loving. Nobody is doing it like us, y/nie.” San smiles thoughtfully.
The both of you are a giggling mess as the twins try and haul you into Hongjoong’s car. The drive to the twins’ apartments was riddled with a bunch more “I love you”s being drunkenly slurred between the both of you. Hongjoong, who was the drunk driver, was nervously looking at the backseat every now and then, hoping and praying that neither of you vomit in his car. But the real challenge was getting the both of you up 3 flights of stairs.
After successfully hauling the both of you into the apartment, you and San lay a tangled mess on their pull-out couch. The both of you are out cold once the twins managed to change most of your soiled clothes. Sleeping like babies while cuddling each other, the twins look exhausted but satisfied at their work.
“Mission Perfect Cocktail: Success!” Seonghwa whisper-shouts while pumping his fist in the air.
“I never agreed to call it that.” Siyeon repeats herself.
“Whatever, you donkey. You just hate that I’m more creative than you.” Seonghwa snaps back at Siyeon.
“Oh please, like I could ever be jealous of your virginity corner.” Siyeon claps back.
“Hey!”
#ateez blurbs#ateez#ateez imagines#ateez hours#ateez au#ateez fluff#ateez scenarios#ateez angst#ateez x reader#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#choi san x reader#choi san fluff#choi san hours#choi san imagines#choi san au
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Heal
A Bad Batch Post S3 Oneshot
Gif by @barissoffee
Hunter x femaleJedi!reader
Summary: Shaking the effects of Tantiss is easier said than done
Warnings: Literally one use of (Y/N), swearing, hints of Tech/Phee, references to past pain and torture, angst, hurt/comfort, nightmares and trouble sleeping, descriptions of illness (headaches), reader is hard on herself, suggestive dialogue, light PDA (kissing, teasing touches), mentions of food, me making up what everyone is up to on Pabu, fluff and happy ending
Masterlist for S1, S2 and S3
Word Count: 7.2K
Rating: 18+
Author's note: Okay, not gonna lie, I struggled with this one. It was a last minute idea as I was rewatching and writing the final few episodes of season 3 but it worked and felt a lot better in my head and when it came to writing, my brain was not my friend lol. I hope it's still enjoyable! The next oneshot is the story I've had planned for months so that should be a smoother process haha
It had been a few weeks since you’d all taken up official residence in Pabu.
Shep’s offer of setting up homes for you all stayed true.
You and Hunter had been put in a hut perfectly designed for the two of you that was a short walk away from the water and there was even a spare room for Omega who alternated between sleeping in your home and the home Tech, Crosshair and Wrecker all shared.
The three other clones may have been grouped together but there was plenty of room, and not a lot of time was spent indoors anyway.
Wrecker had taken to fishing like, well, like a fish to water.
Crosshair did a bit of everything, helping out with tasks of whoever needed assistance but he mainly he kept up with practicing shooting with his left hand. He wanted the practice, and he genuinely enjoyed it. He didn’t miss being a soldier anymore but that didn’t mean he had to renege on his skills.
Tech spent much of his time with Phee or assisting Shep in rebuilding parts of Pabu that still needed it and upgrading equipment.
Omega often kept close company with Lyana and the other young reg clones or she went off with Tech to plan out a potential search for lost or salvageable pieces of the Marauder- the two of them had dreams of rebuilding new a ship with as many pieces of their old home as possible. It was yet to be undertaken but the vision was there.
The task of reuniting the children from Tantiss with their families had been successful but with that final mission complete, you and Hunter were also in the same boat as Crosshair and still yet to find your official niche on island. For now, you both were just relishing in the peace and each other’s company.
One thing you had managed to achieve was finding a way to finally get in touch with Lyra again, who- despite being filled in on everything that had happened since you parted ways on Christophsis- still managed to scold you for the lack of communication. But after hearing you all were alive and settled, she’d sent you all packages of more suitable island clothes with promises to visit soon.
Everything was coming together and so you were feeling one with the island life.
However, life here was not without its challenges.
The impact and aftermath of Tantiss remained a constant shadow that would still find ways to rear its ugly head. Something you and Hunter in particular found yourselves dealing with.
--
“I figured we could have the party in the next couple of weeks right here in the colonnade and, I don’t know, you could slip away or…” Shep trailed off as he saw the way Hunter’s brow furrowed in pain.
“Uh huh.” Hunter agreed distantly. He didn’t want to ignore Shep, especially when he was doing him the favour, but fuck had the sun always been this bright? The blinding pain behind his eyes and throbbing in his skull was getting harder to dismiss.
You were a casual observer and listener to the conversation between the young reg clones and the adult clones that had remained on the island- Deke, Stak and Mox had no shortage of questions for them. But you sensed a rising discomfort and then you caught the way Hunter kept pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting to get away from the glare of the warm sun. “Excuse me.” You politely removed yourself from the conversation and hurriedly walked over to where Shep and Hunter were conversing. “Shep, I’m sorry to interrupt but do you mind if I steal him away for a moment?”
“Not at all.” Shep bid the two of you farewell with a smile.
You lightly rested a hand on his upper arm. “Hunter? Another flare up?” You figured, keeping your worried voice quiet.
Hunter just about managed a nod and said through gritted teeth, “But I can wait it out. Shep-”
He would attempt to come up with an excuse every time and every time you wouldn’t even entertain it. “Come on.” You carefully wrapped an arm around him and guided him back home.
--
You opened the door and carried on through to the bedroom. You gently prompted him to sit on the bed as you knelt down and took his shoes off before you shut the bedroom window to cancel out the noise outside and closed the blinds to keep the sunlight out. You kept your voice low and monotone as you instructed him, “Lie down.”
Hunter did as you said and rested on his back.
The routine was second nature to you. He hadn’t had headaches like this for a while but since Tantiss and because of what he’d suffered there, they’d become more frequent. His senses hadn’t quite readjusted back to what they used to be.
You moved silently throughout the house as you went to the freezer and came back with the cold compress you stored specifically for these moments and placed it over his eyes. “I’ll just be in the living room if you need anything. Try to sleep.” You whispered caringly before you lightly squeezed his hand and made to leave. However, you had barely stepped away from the bed when Hunter’s hand caught your wrist.
“Stay.” He requested through a wince.
“I don’t want to overwhelm you.” You cautioned quietly. You had remained a couple times before, but it had never been a certainty that he wanted you to stay when he was going through this. You always waited for him to give the okay.
“You can’t.” He murmured. He needed you here to ground him in a way the usual methods could never do.
You removed your own shoes and supported his back as you sat him up and slotted yourself behind him.
Hunter rested his head against your chest.
You readjusted the compress slightly once you were both in a comfortable position. “This okay?” You asked as you softly massaged each of his temples.
Hunter let out a tranquil sigh and he could already feel the discomfort receding. You always knew just what it was he needed from you in these moments. “Perfect.”
--
Hunter wasn’t the only one still feeling the lingering toil of Tantiss. Your screams of terror and the way you thrashed next to him woke him up. He called your name and shook your arm to wake you up. “Hey, hey. Easy, easy. It’s alright.” He assured you as he saw your eyes widen in fear.
You shot awake and hastily sat up, your breathing hard and uneven.
“You’re okay. I’m here.” Hunter whispered soothingly as he sat up alongside you.
You closed your eyes and let his voice be the only thing you focused on.
“You’re alright. It was a bad dream.”
Right yes, a bad dream.
“Hold on.” Hunter pressed his lips to your clothed shoulder before he got out of bed and ran a cloth under some cold water.
You worked on getting your breathing back under control. You ran a hand over your face and felt the beads of sweat dripping down your temples and down your neck and back. Your sleep top was sticking to you uncomfortably. But you forced yourself to concentrate on anything that didn’t remind you of the nightmare you’d just escaped. You took in your secure and familiar surroundings of your bedroom to calm yourself down. You weren’t back there. You were on Pabu with Hunter. You were safe here.
Hunter slid back in bed beside you. “Arms up.” He prompted delicately. When you did that, he carefully removed your sweat soaked top and tossed it to the side of the bed– he’d deal with it in the morning- and placed the cool cloth to the back of your neck and spine before he tenderly dabbed at your temples. He then put a replacement top back over your head and continued to press the flannel around your forehead and neck.
“I’m sorry.” You rasped as you hid your face in your palms in embarrassment. You hated this. He would already have tough days and you couldn’t even offer him any relief in the evenings. The two of you had gotten into a rather unfortunate ritual where you would comfort him during the day and then the roles would switch as soon as night fell.
“You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” Hunter reassured you lovingly. He placed the cloth on the bedside table and rubbed his hand up and down your back to ease away the lingering tension and to help settle you back down. “Same one?” He guessed.
You nodded but kept your face hidden from him. “I’m just standing there. I’m watching him hurt you over and over again and I’m not doing anything to stop it.” You said, your voice cracking with each word. “Then he goes to the rest of you- to Omega. I’m completely frozen and all I can do is watch you all writhe in pain. I keep fighting to move but nothing happens. I’m just so useless and I stand by and let it happen. You’re crying out for help, and I just stand there.” You whispered with plenty of self-loathing behind your words.
Hunter shushed you consolingly. “But that’s not what happened. It’s just the nightmare talking.”
“Is it? Because it feels an awful lot like that’s what I did.” You said with self-directed disgust.
““You didn’t do nothing. You didn’t give up. You did what you thought you needed to do to get us out of there alive.” Hunter reminded you.
“Imprisoned.” You corrected.
“Alive.” Hunter countered.
You knew there was no sense in arguing with him over it. “I should be over this by now. I coped after Christophsis. I don’t know why this is sticking with me so much.” You said critically instead.
Hunter was all too familiar with this line of argument. As soon as you admitted to the nightmare and the fear it brought, you started looking for ways to berate yourself for feeling the way you were. “You couldn’t process Christophsis on your own time. You were in a position where you were forced to carry on. And I don’t think going through and being impacted by torture has a time requirement.”
You finally half-turned to face him. “Do you really believe that?”
The doubt in your voice made his throat constrict and chest tighten. “I know it.”
“But dealing with this is annoying.” You mumbled self-consciously and you averted your gaze once more.
“Do you get annoyed when you’ve needed to help me?”
You lifted your eyes back to him. “No, of course not.”
“Exactly. You help me through those episodes. Why do you think I’d treat you any differently?” He rubbed his thumb along your cheekbone. “You still need to give yourself the same treatment you give other people.” He said caringly.
You leaned your head against Hunter’s shoulder and just gave a series of reluctant but agreeable noises to signal your acceptance of his statement.
“You’re talking to me though. That counts for something.” Hunter praised, angling his head so he could kiss your forehead.
“Yeah, I’m a work in progress.” You managed to say with some light-heartedness before your voice went solemn again. “Just don’t give up on me… please.”
“Never.” Hunter promised with steadfast seriousness.
Your eyes flickered shut and you snuggled closer to him as he ran his hand up and down your arm in soft, delicate patterns.
“Want to sleeping try again?” He suggested after he felt your breathing and pulse settle back down.
You gulped but agreed to give sleep another go. “Okay.” You laid back down readjusted the covers you had kicked off in your sleep-panicked state. You breathed deeply as you closed your eyes and willed yourself to at least get a couple uninterrupted hours. But the darker part of your nightmare, the part you couldn’t vocalise, lingered with you and you didn’t know how to get past it.
Hunter wrapped his arm around your side and pulled your back tight to his chest, but despite all you opened up about, he knew you were holding something back. It was the same every night and he knew sleep would continue to elude you.
--
This new day was nearly over. Dusk had come and gone but the concept of night and sleep filled you with a deep anxiety. You needed to clear your head before you even thought about winding down for the night. “I’m going for a walk; I’ll be back soon.” You said, giving Hunter a chaste kiss to his lips before you exited your home.
Hunter gave you a slight smile as you parted from him, and he could only watch you leave. He had never felt so helpless.
He knew he couldn’t quite help you in the way you needed but there might be someone else who could.
--
“Hey there, Hunter.” Phee greeted cheerily as she opened the door to greet the clone.
“I’m not interrupting anything am I?” Hunter asked apologetically.
Phee rolled her eyes, “Pfftt no way. He’s been at this for hours, if you can get his attention onto something else, be my guest.” She led him through to the living room.
Tech grunted his greeting as he sought out the tool that he needed for the task he was completing for Shep. The island had a healer- Dalia, but she mainly operated out of her home because, until recently, that suited just fine. But when the attack on Pabu occurred, Shep and Dalia had found themselves ill-prepared for accommodating the seriousness of the injuries that followed so Tech was assisting in expanding and updating her equipment and resources. AZ was already a big help with that, but more was needing done. It was a longer but important project that Tech was taking very seriously.
“Sorry about the mess.” Phee said with an annoyed yet affectionate stare in Tech’s direction, but she was not surprised when the clone did not appear to even register that she’d spoken. She had stopped trying to get Tech to tidy as he went about altering this latest piece of machinery since he’d insistently claimed there was an order to the chaos around him. The entire area in which he was working was covered with random tools and intricate pieces of machinery. Phee struggled to see how this all equalled a system since all she saw was an array random pieces of metal taking up her living room floor. It didn’t truly bother her though; it was just another quirk she was fond off. Her appreciation for his intelligence and passion outweighed a little untidiness.
“Don’t worry, it’s something I’m very used to.” Hunter said lightly as he carefully stepped over some discarded screws.
“Sit down.” Phee encouraged, gesturing to a spare chair as she took a seat on the couch across from where Tech was working in the middle of the floor. But when Hunter made no move to do so, Phee properly looked at him and she noticed the distant and slightly nervous expression Hunter donned. “Everything alright?”
“I need your help, Tech.” Hunter said in answer.
Tech spoke for the first time since Hunter arrived as he found the spanner he needed, “I’m not yet finished with this. Once I’m done-”
“I don’t need you to fix anything, Tech. It’s about (Y/N). She’s struggling right now and-”
“Well, we know that she has a habit of taking things on by herself. A habit both of you have shared for quite a while.” Tech said plainly, not taking his eyes off the medical equipment he was fixing up. “I wouldn’t take her refusal or dismissals personally.”
Hunter bit back his frustrated huff. He knew attempting to get his brother’s focus when he was so absorbed by a project was always going to be challenging. He went to speak again but Phee beat him to it.
Enough was enough. Phee firmly nudged Tech’s good thigh with her boot, “Would you stop playing around with that and actually pay attention to what he has to say?”
Tech snapped out of his intense concentration. “Right, yes. Sorry, Hunter.” He started officially packing up. Once he was done, he gave his brother his full attention and it was then that he saw the genuine worry on Hunter’s face which told him it was more important than any mechanical repair. “What’s going on with her?”
“She keeps having nightmares from her capture on Tantiss. I can’t remember the last time she slept through the night.” Hunter took a ragged breath. “And it’s not like she’s keeping them to herself and that’s why they’re so bad. She’s doing everything we’ve worked on. She talks to me; she lets me in and help her, but I know there’s something else she’s keeping hidden. And it’s because she knows I can’t offer her the right words, or she wants to protect me from whatever it is she’s not telling me. I’m stuck and she’s not getting any better and I can’t offer her anything more than what I’m currently doing.”
“So, how exactly can I help?” Tech asked, rather puzzled as to why his brother had come to him with this dilemma. He wasn’t exactly known for providing helpful assistance for this type of issue. It wasn’t that he never wanted to, it just always didn’t come easily to him and usually you and Hunter would always be able to work through it yourselves.
Hunter began tentatively, “Y-your experiences were- were similar. I’d thought about Crosshair but what he went through was a bit different and from what you’ve told us, it sounds closer to what she’s been through. I hate to ask it of you but-”
“Where is she?” Tech asked, getting to his feet.
“If you’re not comfortable doing this I understand. It’s a lot to talk about and-”
“Hunter, just tell me where she is.” Tech interrupted with a firm reassurance to show that he truly didn’t mind.
“Down by the shore.” Hunter told him through a grateful sigh.
Tech nodded and got ready to leave for the beach.
--
You breathed in the fresh and clean sea air, a gentle breeze wafted through your hair. The moonlight cast the water and sand in a luminous white glow. It offered you a peace you were yet to find in your own mind. The faint but demanding whines of the hound you’d acquired on your walk down had you smiling to yourself as you focused on the sounds of the waves lapping on the shore.
Tech saw you seated on the sand, Batcher waiting for you to throw a stick for her. “Did you know that gravity and the gravitational pull of the moon creates a phenomenon called tidal force, which is what causes the ocean tides to change?”
“I mean… I knew it was something like that.” You straightened your shoulders and managed a tight smile in his direction. “Hey, Tech.” You hoped you didn’t sound as exhausted as you felt.
Tech picked up on the heaviness in your voice despite your attempts to conceal it. “Also, did you know that water absorbs the red light of the colour spectrum, leaving the blue for us to see.” He added as he threw the stick for the hound.
You hummed out your acceptance of the fact as a reply whilst Batcher returned the stick but- after greeting Tech- decided she’d had enough and curled up beside you. “You didn’t come here to share ocean facts, Tech.” You said after a moment. “What’s going on?”
“You’re right. I have another purpose in joining you.” Tech admitted as he sat down on your other side.
“Which is?” You asked leadingly.
“Hunter asked me to. He’s worried about you.” He gave you a chance to speak but you offered nothing, so he carried on, “From what I hear, you’re having difficulty sleeping due to nightmares. They are based around your confinement on Tantiss?”
You cleared your throat to buy yourself some time before you answered, “Yeah.” You brought your knees to your chest.
“Can you tell me more? Whatever you’re comfortable sharing is fine.”
You breathed deeply and peered up at the starry night sky. “Well, you know about Christophsis.”
Tech nodded. That was something he’d been told about on the shuttle back.
“Tantiss… Tantiss was different. I took beatings but they were a treat compared to that fucking droid. Hemlock did a much better job of getting the most out of that damn serum. It got harder and harder to fight it. He knew exactly what buttons to push.”
“I’m afraid I had a helping hand in that.” Tech said sheepishly.
You placed your hand on his shoulder. “I don’t blame you, Tech. Not at all.” You reassured him earnestly.
“Regardless, his methods would’ve been that effective because I told him what would work.”
You patted his shoulder to indicate that you really didn’t hold any of that period against him before you removed it and placed it back across your bent legs. You surprisingly found that you kept wanting to talk so you carried on, “I’d never be able to ignore him, he’d always be able to get in my head so, instead, I’d would look for things to take me out of it.”
“A reasonable response.” Tech agreed. The times when he’d resisted, he’d acted similarly.
You felt irritation rise in you. You’d been weak, how could he not see that? “He told me you were alive, and I used it as a way to keep pushing back against him. Omega didn’t doubt it and she only heard him say it once.”
Hunter had warned him about this before he’d left. He expected you to say things designed to make him reprimand you instead of sympathising with you. The part of ‘no emotion’ element of the Jedi Code was deeply engrained in you. Despite your affinity for handling attachment and genuine love for them, when it came to your own emotions, you had gotten a bit too good at supressing or dismissing them. “Years fighting in a war has a way of creating a certain cynicism- or realism- depending on your point of view. It helps with survival and enduring each battle. I may have gotten out of it but even I have to admit that the odds were slim. I called out the plan. I knew what I was doing, I didn’t expect to live, and I didn’t expect you all to assume that I had.” Tech easily explained away the argument. “I’m grateful for Omega’s optimism and hope- it is a wonderful quality of hers and it got me out of there and brought me back to you all-, but I never expected you to believe I lived.”
You couldn’t accept the fact that the people around you were okay with how you’d acted. Every night was a painful reminder of how you’d failed them. “What I don’t understand is why Tantiss is still affecting me in this way. I got over Christophsis just fine.”
“No, you didn’t process Christophsis. You were thrown into mission after mission and were left with no choice but to keep going. It is highly plausible that Hemlock’s own similar torture was harder to get through because it was a reminder of a traumatic time that you’d already experienced but not healed from. Plus, I don’t believe feeling the effects of torture has a time requirement.”
You sighed heavily, “You’re the second person to tell me all that.”
“Does that not tell you something?” Tech prodded but he did it gently.
“I guess.” You said through a weary sigh as you ran your hands through the sand to distract yourself. “I handed myself over to Hemlock though. I gave up.”
“The guilt you’re experiencing over agreeing to Hemlock’s terms is natural. You-”
“It wasn’t guilt. Not wholly.” You said, your voice so quiet it barely registered over the rhythmic lull of the waves.
Tech glanced at you in surprise, but you were keeping your head down, stroking Batcher’s snout- the dog seemed to sense your distress and had nuzzled closer to you. He allowed the silence to grow as he patiently awaited further explanation from you.
You swallowed thickly as you went to speak again. “I was relieved.” You admitted, it was the first time you’d ever said the words out loud, and you instantly wished you could take them back. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you awaited the disappointed and shameful remarks from Tech.
“What were you relieved about?” Tech asked calmly.
That hadn’t been the response you were expecting. “Um-” You searched for the words to answer him. “When I was-” You broke off and started again and you found yourself being more honest than you’d anticipated. “When I was in that training room watching Hunter be tortured and I heard Hemlock say that he was going to do the same conditioning to Crosshair again and to Wrecker too… I gave him what he wanted. Throughout my time there, he wanted me to join him and that’s what I was prepared to do. But as I said it, there was a sense of relief. Finally, I could stop fighting him. The torture he put me through would end. And in the dream- nightmare- I keep having, as much as I hate what’s happening, part of why I can’t move to help any of you is because I’m just relived it isn’t me.” You visibly tensed as you finished speaking. Saying that last part out loud caused you physical pain and your stomach churned nervously as you waited for judgement. There had been a reason you couldn’t share this with Hunter. It sounded so selfish, so pathetic.
“I understand that.”
You angled your head to face him. It was your turn to wait for him to talk.
Tech took a grounding breath before he elaborated, “In my time imprisoned there, Hemlock wanted to know all he could about you all. He knew there would be a time where he’d have to face you all again. I didn’t quite experience the same beatings you took; it was always psychological. But whenever I showed willing to give him information, all I felt in that moment was a profound relief that the torment and pain would end. Granted, that swiftly became guilt as soon as he left but I couldn’t deny the respite those few minutes of me telling him about you all gave me. Now, did you only feel relief at it being over? Or was it relief that you could join him and do his bidding?”
You thought back to that time and realised what he was getting at. “No, it was because I knew if I gave him what he wanted, then at least they wouldn’t have to go through any more agony. At the time, imprisonment felt like the better option than becoming one of his operatives and experiencing that level of hurt.”
“Precisely. Your sleep is being haunted by the worst outcome. It’s praying on the flash of relief you felt and twisting it into something more than what it was. If you accept what happened and stop fighting it, it loses its power. You didn’t do anything wrong, you acted how you needed to. The only person that has the power to blame you is yourself. No one here does, sometimes it just helps to hear it out loud once in a while and it’s true. You resisted him for as long as you physically could. Those circumstances would’ve cracked anyone.”
You looked at him thoughtfully. “Is that how you did it?” You asked quietly.
“Well, I didn’t. Not always.” Tech reminded you, assuming you were referring to how he resisted Hemlock’s torment.
“No.” You released another deep sigh. “You seem to have settled here. You’re coping with it, and you were there for a long time.”
“I was in hell on Tantiss but not so much anymore. Being reunited with you all has really helped. Though I think if I had to watch any of them get hurt the way you had to, it would be different.” As he spoke, Tech realised why Hunter had come to him for this. He was sharing this part of him with you because he knew you were the only one that would truly get it. There was no worry of judgement, no worries of saying something too jarring. You would understand him just as he understood you. “I’ve accepted what happened to me and how I reacted to it but you’re the only one that knows those particular details of my experience. Phee and my brothers do not. Family helps with some of the burden but until you’ve had the unfortunate time of living it, their support can only do so much. We need each other it would seem.” Tech said with a kind look in your direction.
You widened your eyes at his openness. You were incredibly touched by that, and you didn’t take the lightly. “Thank you, Tech.”
“You asked a question, I merely answered.”
You shot him a look, “That’s not the only thing I’m thanking you for.” After speaking to him and fully unburdening yourself to someone who could only understand where you were coming from without the worry of saying the wrong thing or being too much, you felt like a weight had been lifted off your chest. You weren’t plagued by all the horrible and conflicting feelings that had followed you since Tantiss. You could breathe. You were free. You gently squeezed his hand as you said, “Thank you for what you’ve done tonight. For all of it.”
Tech shrugged off the thanks but smiled at you all the same. “We’re family, it’s what we do.”
--
You walked through the door to your home and took your shoes off.
Hunter walked out of the bedroom as he heard you come through the door. “Hey, how was your walk?”
You didn’t answer immediately. Instead, you just drank him in. You took in the way he leaned against the doorway, the book he was reading dangling from his hand. The way the soft linens of his sleep clothes framed his body. The way he’d still kept and worn the necklace you’d given him all that time ago. And the way he was looking at you with such deep care and affection, it made your heart clench and emotions clog up in your throat- you didn’t trust yourself to speak.
Hunter took your silence for upset. “I had to tell him. I thought-” But he didn’t get to finish his sentence as you strode towards him and embraced him.
You hugged him tightly. “Thank you.” You whispered.
Dropping his book and wrapping his arms around you instantly, Hunter rested his cheek on top of your head. He didn’t need or expect you to share the details of the conversation with Tech, he’d realised that you needed a different kind of comfort and that was okay. All that mattered to him was that it helped you.
You let the warmth of his soothing hold flow through your body, and you kept your voice hushed as you said, “I want you to know that it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you it all.”
“I know.” Hunter replied softly as he caringly caressed your back. He would not break away until you wanted to.
You pressed your face into the crook of his shoulder. Even though he had sent Tech your way, you didn’t want him to feel like he’d let you down or anything along that vein. “You did everything right. I needed you there… I still need you there. I can’t get through it without you but…” The words to describe just what it was Tech gifted you got lost and you frantically searched for them so he would know why you hadn’t just come to him with it.
The last thing Hunter needed or wanted was you feeling like you had to reassure him on the issue. “Sweetheart, all I wanted was for this to get easier for you. I know that there are emotions and parts of that experience on Tantiss that I will never fully understand- as much as that kills me, I wish none of it had happened to you or Tech in the first place but that doesn’t change the fact that it did. You needed more than a shoulder to lean on, and if Tech gave you that, then that’s all that matters to me. I won’t stop being there, whatever it is you need, I’m here.”
The wave of emotion came rushing back and tears threatened to spill from your eyes, and you found yourself pressing yourself tighter to him still so there were absolutely no gaps between you. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“I love you, giving up is never an option.” Hunter murmured as he kissed the crown of your head.
“I love you too.” You croaked as you fought through the lump in your throat.
You stayed like that for a couple more minutes before you finally pulled away.
Hunter wiped away a few stray tears that had escaped your eyes. “Fancy an early night?”
“Yeah.” You said through a deep exhale as the exhaustion you’d been fighting with came crashing into you. “That sounds good.”
--
3 weeks later.
“How’s your pain? Anymore headaches?” You asked Hunter as the two of you wandered arm in arm through the main square. You had been keeping a watchful eye in the time that had passed but he hadn’t had any bad episodes of late.
“Everything feels back to normal.” Hunter replied. “And you? How are you sleeping these days?” From what he could tell, you were sleeping through the night but that didn’t necessarily mean they weren’t still there.
“No nightmares at all.” You said with a relieved sigh. The weight of what you’d endured was no longer keeping you down. It had no control over you anymore. You’d thrown yourself back into mediating again and that also seemed to help a lot.
You both walked in easy silence, smiling at the clones from Tantiss who had stayed and at the merchants shouting out enticing deals and offerings from their stalls as you passed by.
“Although, there’s one thing I need…”
You glanced at him expectantly.
“Can you try it now? I should be fine.”
You hadn’t done it since settling down here in case it was too much. “You’re sure?” You double checked.
Hunter nodded. It was the final step to the normality that he craved.
You both paused and headed over to the side walkway of the colonnade that offered shelter from the open area. You reached out into his familiar Force signature, the connection you formed with it giving you an extra sense of security and warmth. How does this feel?
Hunter closed his eyes and breathed out a serene sigh as he heard your voice in his head, but it felt like everything finally clicked back into place. Then, he felt the gentle press of your lips against his. He reacted automatically and placed his hands on your waist as he returned the embrace.
“What was that for?” He whispered against your lips as you parted.
“It’s part of the check up process.” You murmured before you took half a step back to look at him properly, but you kept your arms looped around his neck so that he was still close to you.
Hunter gave you a fond smile. “Ah, of course.” He sweetly stroked his thumb along your jawline.
You shut your eyes and leaned into his touch.
“Are you happy?” Hunter asked after a few beats of silence.
You dropped your arms and looked at him in surprise. “Yes, of course I am!” You looked at him, worry furrowing across your brow. “What brought that on?”
Hunter awkwardly ran a hand through his hair. “I know things haven’t been easy since we arrived here. It didn’t get off to the peaceful start that I’d hoped for. I just want to make sure it’s still what you want and that you’re definitely feeling better.”
You were caught off guard by the emotions that caught in your throat. What did you do to deserve such a man? “I am very content and happy here; Hunter.” You took a hold of each of his hands. “I’m very content and happy being here with you.” You let out a faint, slightly embarrassed laugh, “I am very much in love with you, you silly man. Every day that I wake up beside you, every day that I get to come home to you and every day I just get to be around you is a day that reminds me that how lucky I am.” You removed your hands and lightly followed the lines of his face tattoo. “Are you happy?”
“Completely.” Hunter murmured as his eyes fluttered shut as he fell completely complaint under your touch.
“Good. Settling down here is what exactly what I want, things just weren’t settling down as quickly as I would’ve liked but it’s different now. We’re both doing much better, it’s a good thing.” You kissed his cheek and delicately brushed your fingers through the shorter strands of hair at the front of his head. I love you, that’s never changed, and it never will. Does that about cover everything?
“Almost.” Hunter said huskily as his own love for you overcame him.
Before you could question what he meant, he tugged you in tight to him and kissed you passionately. You felt him cradle the hinge of your jaw, silently asking permission to deepen the kiss and you granted him access without a second thought. You tangled your fingers in his hair and pressed yourself close to him. You allowed yourself a few minutes to just get lost in the pleasure he was giving you, but you remembered where you were and with a groan, you withdrew from his embrace.
It hurt you to pull away and from the way Hunter just insistently pushed you back against the stone column and carried on kissing and raking his teeth along your neck, he wasn’t impressed with stopping either. “We- we came here for groceries.” You hummed distractedly as you found yourself titling your head to give him easier access.
“So, we’ll get them tomorrow.” Hunter responded simply as he kissed behind your ear and brushed his fingers under your shirt and along the soft skin of your stomach.
“We have- have no f- food and-” You attempted to protest but now his mouth was doing wonderful things along your pulse point that was making you feel very lightheaded.
“That’s fine. What I’m in the mood for, only you can give me.” Hunter teasingly dipped his fingers just under the waistband of your leggings.
You forced yourself to get a grip before you were too far gone. “Get off.” You playfully shoved at his chest with an exasperated shake of your head.
Hunter inclined his head in surrender, “How about you shop, and I meet you at home?” He offered as he stopped his teasing and removed himself from you.
“Is this your bizarre way of just wanting to get out of a chore?” You joked, crossing your arms and feigning irritation.
“No, I just think that if I stay, we’re going to wind up getting done for public indecency and it would be entirely my fault.”
Despite his admission, you still saw a faint but lustful glint in his eyes and you knew he was envisioning precisely what would happen if the two of you remained by this column. And you knew both of you would decide it was worth the risk. You gulped as you hastily said before you lost control of yourself, “I’ll see you at home.”
Hunter released a low chuckle before he kissed you softly once more, the promise of what was to come still lingered behind the action despite his best attempts to keep it brief.
You took a few hesitant steps away him and then gathered yourself and went about your task- your walk brisker than before.
--
Hunter watched you before he moved out from the shelter of the pillar. He spotted Omega sitting with Lyana by the Maya tree. He called over to her.
“What’s up?” Omega asked breezily as she jogged over to him.
“Can you round up the boys and meet me at home? I’ll get Echo on comms.”
“How come?” Omega asked curiously.
“There’s a mission I’m gonna need all your help with. But it needs to just be the five of us.” He indicated to where you were making a purchase. “Think you can get Lyana to delay her return?”
“A mission? Then why can’t-” An excited gasp left her as she saw the silent but confirming look that Hunter gave her. They’d all been eagerly waiting for this. “Yes! I’m on it!” She sprinted off back to Lyana, chaotically relaying the instructions before she ran go find the others.
Hunter laughed to himself as he saw her enthusiastic departure before he hustled off back home and readied the comm channel for Echo. It didn’t take long for the clone to answer.
“You better be calling for the reason I hope you’re calling for.” Echo said by way of greeting.
“Think you can help me out?” Hunter replied with a validatory nod at the holoimage of Echo and he saw the way Echo’s shoulders lifted as he realised it was finally going to happen. Hunter had talked to them all about it in the days after arriving on Pabu and it had been met with an enthusiastic yet somehow still teasing response. It reminded him of how he felt back before the two of you officially got together, with the others just waiting for it to happen. He’d wanted to do it sooner, but your circumstances changed, and so he wanted to wait until both of you were recovered. And, whilst they’d all accepted his decision to hold off, they had been impatient for this day for both genuine well-being purposes but also because they wanted it for the two of you- his family were very supportive and insistent on him doing this. With things faring better, he felt comfortable doing it now. “I don’t want to take you away from anything urgent or-”
“Name it!” Echo said with a pleased smile.
Before he could get into what he needed Echo to do, he heard the door open. Hunter half-turned to see the crowd of eager and motivated faces made up of Omega and his brothers.
All of them gathered round him and Echo’s hologram.
Hunter took a deep inhale and exhale. In a strange way, this was going to be one of the most important yet daunting missions he’d undertaken. “Alright, we don’t have long before she gets home. Here’s what I need…”
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